Get a divorce coach to get through it and not get taken to the cleaners if you can help it and a therapist to help deal with the emotional aftermath. Some may do both. Also, exercise. DO it. And recall that like giving birth, there is a tremendous reason for celebration in divorce.
There is freedom afterward. Yes, but perhaps not entirely. We bear scar tissue after all. There are stretch marks from divorce. Be proud of them. You are the only one who gets to decide who you are now. There is tremendous joy in this. Though you may be struggling to move on, find the energy to start fresh, celebrate raising children alone, or begin dating again find a new life partner.
While dating can help you move on, many therapists advise clients to wait at least one year post-divorce to begin dating again. This will give you time to heal and help you avoid a rebound relationship.
Every marriage is lived in both the present and the future. You were probably constantly thinking about where both of you, as a couple, would be 5, 10, or even 20 years down the road.
The longer they grow next to each other, the more entwined the root systems become and the harder it is to extricate one from the other ," says Pease Gadoua.
Divorce naturally takes away any dreams and expectations the two of you shared, leaving you confused and forced to learn how to build a brand-new life that doesn't include your ex. This is why newly divorced individuals find it so difficult to look forward.
You could find yourself feeling stuck in the past, unable to reconcile that this chapter of your life is over, continually replaying what went wrong, and caught up in pain and negativity. After a divorce, feelings of failure are normal. They're casualties of personal accountability—our responsibility for the role we played in the ending of our marriage. Admitting to ourselves that we've made mistakes can leave anyone vulnerable and filled with shame.
And even though divorce is so common, many of us still experience tremendous shame and embarrassment due to a feeling that we're somehow "less than" because weren't able to save the marriage. Having to face family members, coworkers, friends, and acquaintances only stirs our perceived shortcomings more, and these feelings can be very hard to get past when you're constantly beating yourself up.
Many couples begin the process only to realize that divorce is expensive and complicated. Legally splitting up with a spouse is not an easy task.
On top of all the emotional strain listed above, the financial and legal aspects of divorce take a heavy toll on individuals. It is not nearly as simple as many wish it was. There are many reasons why does divorce hurt so much when it happens. Abruptly losing one of two household incomes can lead to missed payments on credit cards, loans, and monthly bills.
Joint accounts are also problematic because each person on the account is legally responsible for it. When two people who jointly own an account split up, they often split up their joint account, which leads to a reduction in credit scores.
You go from being married to being single. Your life changes in many ways. If you never worked before, you will have to get a job now to support yourself. You may be wondering what will happen next. A divorce will test your strength and optimism. Everyone has doubt after a divorce. However, you will need to let go of the negativity at some point and think positively. Get support from friends and family members. Join a local support group with others who have been divorced. If necessary, seek therapy to help you move on.
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